Made for my Pleasure

A few weeks ago, a friend invited me to participate in an "open mic night". It was an opportunity for all of us to share something we had created, such as music, a poem or art and receive feedback and affirmation from the group. It got me thinking how so much of what God has created is still yet to be known or appreciated - thousands of undescribed species, breathtaking beauty in isolated corners of the world and under the ocean which we have yet to behold. 

I was reminded of the truth of Gen 1:31: "And God looked at everything he had made and he was very pleased." This poem was inspired by that truth and by the many moths I have been discovering and enjoying lately. 

While you sleep, my art is on display

Obscured by the darkness, yet not to me

I behold my handiwork

As a painter admires his masterpiece

Tatargina Picta, Maetang, Thailand

My creation, my delight

Eyes that pierce

Perfect symmetry

Made for my pleasure.

Corymica immaculata, Doi Pui, Thailand (ID Roger Kendrick)

On the forest floor, I see them
Hidden in the leaf bed, yet not from me
Some made to blend in, some to shine
All unique by my design

Auzeinae, Doi Suthep, Thailand (ID Shen-Horn Yen), edited

My creation, my delight
Regal elegance
Subtle lines
Made for my pleasure.

Clara's Swallowtailed Moth (Ourapteryx clara), Doi Pui, Thailand

In the moonlight, colours are subdued
Their glory is dimmed, yet not from me
I see their shades in the darkness
My brush knows those stains

Comostola laesaria, Doi Suthep, Thailand

My creation, my delight
Shimmering glory
Hues of heaven
Made for my pleasure.

Milionia basalis, Doi Suthep, Thailand

Infinite designs of extraordinary invention
Strange and alien-like, yet not to me
There is no end to my ideas or imagination
For who has known the mind of the Lord?

Green rippled hawkmoth (Eupanacra busiris), Doi Pui, Thailand (ID James Holden)

My creation, my delight
Blended colours
Contorted shapes
Made for my pleasure.

Terastia egialealis, Doi Pui, Thailand (ID Yasunori Kishida)

In the morning, dawn will find them
For a brief moment, they will be yours to see
The sun will meet their mirrored wings
And I will share my creatures with you

Westermannia elliptica, Doi Pui, Thailand (ID Khemthong Tonsakulrungruang)

My creation, my delight
Fragile grace
Reflecting my glory
Made for my pleasure
And perhaps for yours too if you will only stop and see . . . . .
 

Pycnarmon c.f. aeriferalis, Doi Pui, Thailand

Consider the nymphs

I have been inspired a lot by nature recently. Those of you who use facebook may have seen some of my bug pictures! The truth is, I find God often brings insights to me through observing the ways of the natural world. There is so much truth to be gleaned from his creation about his ways, his character and his purposes and often I really need the help of a physical metaphor to help me understand.

This has happened recently with regard to some hard things one of our kids has been going through. It's not been easy for them and not easy for me to watch either. But God has been reminding me of his purposes through observing the lives of the insect nymphs I've been finding in the bushes. 

Grasshopper nymph in our back garden, Chiangmai

Did you know that grasshoppers typically molt about 5 times in their growth from nymph to adulthood? Each transformation involves the shedding of their protective exoskeleton and a temporary vulnerability as the new skin grows and hardens around them. The same is true for dragonflies (and many other insects) who molt up to 12 times and only grow their glorious wings after their very last molting.

Molted grasshopper exoskeleton, Doi Suthep

It has greatly encouraged me to reflect on these creatures as a picture for my kids and for myself. I like the idea that the exposed uncomfortable stage gives room for further growth. I see wisdom in how sometimes old skin just needs to be shed completely so that the new skin can be put on freely without the influence of the old lines and curves.

“You were taught . .  to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.”  Eph 4: 22-24

I’m not sure whether insects feel fear and emotion as we do, but I can imagine that molting isn’t a particularly fun experience! No doubt, instinct tells the nymphs to hide and find a safe place as they lose the protection and security of their outer skin. I read recently that many insects don’t eat and have faltered breathing during their molting which usually takes between 8 and 10 hours. There’s nothing I can think of that is more vulnerable than losing your whole outer layer but in His wisdom, God ordained that this would be their path to maturity and finally the freedom of fully formed wings!

Spotted Grasshopper nymph with wings still not fully formed, Doi Suthep

I’m grateful for the lessons from the nymphs in this season of parenting and life. I wait in hope for the growth and transformation that comes through the hard and vulnerable times. It helps to reflect on God’s bigger purposes as I watch the struggles in my kids and I’m reminded that my job is not to intervene and stop the process but just to provide a safe place where the new skin can form and harden.

I am also aware that in this parable, we are all still juvenile nymphs struggling through seasons of uncomfortable change. My kids will not be free of exposed vulnerable times when they hit adulthood and I am not there yet either. I can look back and recognize seasons of intense upheaval, confusion and vulnerability in my own life and with the gift of hindsight, I can see some of the new skin that I put on in those times. There will no doubt be more to come too and I hope that then I will remember the nymphs and be able to hold on for the ride. Ultimately our final new skin is coming one day, and the "wings" will be even more glorious than the grasshopper's or the dragonfly's!

Scarlet skimmer dragonfly, wings in the sun, Sri Lanna National Park

Iceberg

We watched "Titanic" as a family last weekend. I wasn't prepared for how uncannily similar it would feel to what we are living right now and what I see being played out in vulnerable communities in Thailand, India and around the world. It inspired me to write this poem/prayer for increased awareness in these crazy times. 

This is not to belittle the challenges of self-isolation or the terrible sickness and loss in each one's own land. Or to make any of us feel guilty for having a stocked fridge and comfortable home as we sit out the social isolation. Rather, it is to help us gain perspective and grow in compassion and action as we see how this terrible iceberg impacts our brothers and sisters in our global community. 

Iceberg:

Here we sit in our lifeboats

A haven of safety on arctic seas

The iceberg hit and our plans were dashed

Fear overwhelms us for the future

Who knows for how long we will float?

Who knows for how long we will wait for rescue?

We huddle

We pray

We wait

We check our provisions

We encourage each other in the waiting

We sing to keep our spirits up

How long O Lord?

But have we seen those bobbing in the icy seas?

Their cries vanish in the vastness of the ocean

Our system was inadequate

There were not enough boats

Who knows how many will survive?

Who knows if rescue will come in time?

They cry out

They thrash

They cling to scraps of wood

They lose hope

Their strength is fading

Some have already gone under

How long O Lord?

O send our lifeboats back, O Lord

Extend your hand through us before it’s too late

Help us to see them

Through the mist of our own fear and anxiety

And forgive us O Lord

For building a cruise ship with not enough lifeboats

For the arrogance of thinking that our ship would not sink

For disregarding the plight of those in lower decks

Forgive us and make us whole again

Have mercy, O Lord.

It is not too late to turn around
Unlike the Titanic, our lifeboat will not tip if we go back in
We hear the cry and will not stay silent
We see the suffering and will not sit back
Use us O Lord
To reach out in love and compassion
To pull them from the icy seas
To cover them with our blankets
And to build from the wreckage a new ship
Where justice and compassion reign
And where there are enough boats for all.
May your Kingdom come, O Lord.

The in-between-ness of Advent

This year, the hope of Advent is holding particular meaning for me because I am waiting for something, aching for something for one of our children. It has been intense and really hard at times. But thanks to the wonderful Jesus community here, I have had lots of people point me towards hope and encourage me in the waiting. I wrote this poem recently and thought I would share it with you all.

There is a dawning between the darkness and the light

and that is where I am

Sometimes falling back into the dark

Sometimes leaning towards the light

But in the dawnlight nevertheless

It is dim but it is coming

I see it and I know

I will not be consumed by the darkness.

Photo credit Ned McNair, Hilton Head, North Carolina

There is a sprouting between the dry ground and the verdant pasture

and that is where I am

Small shoots, vulnerable and fragile

but a sprouting nevertheless

Tender unfurling of new growth

Becoming, emerging

 I feel it and I know

We are not yet what we will be.

Tropical ferns unfurling, Chiangmai, Thailand

There is an in-pouring between the emptiness and the fullness

and that is where I am

A slow drip, sometimes hardly noticeable

But a pouring in nevertheless

A puddle is made from tiny drops

An ocean is made from tiny puddles

I hear the raindrops and I know. 

Streams will flow in this desert. 

Rainy season droplets, Chiangmai, Thailand

There is a restoring between the brokenness and the wholeness

and that is where I am

Not overnight, not on my timeline perhaps

but a restoring nevertheless

I cling to the dream of shalom, 
peace, wholeness, harmony

And then I glimpse it when I least expect it

It surprises me but I should know by now

My brokenness is where he works best.

It's messy here in the in-between

Things are not yet as they will be

We wait, we hope, we groan with creation

How long, O Lord?

But we are not consumed

Beauty is coming from these ashes

Dawn is coming

He is coming

He is making all things new.

I pray this will be an encouragement to any of you who are also hoping for something this advent.

"But hope that is seen is no hope at all.

Who hopes for what they already have?

But if we hope for what we do not have, we wait for it patiently."

Romans 8:24-25

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Romans 15:13

My small thoughts and His big plans

As you may have seen, I just got back from a jam-packed 12-day sales tour of the UK with Thai Village. This whole trip was a leap of faith for me - buying the ticket to go when our finances were tight, not knowing whether I would have enough events booked to make it worth it, leaving the family here for 2 weeks in a busy intense season etc etc. But in it all, I had a peace and following that turned out to be a whole adventure in learning how God's ways are so far beyond our small human understanding.

The whole thing actually started off with a big diversion from my original plan as I had initially thought to go to the US instead of the UK. Despite making some inquiries there however, it clearly wasn't the time as doors weren't opening and then some friends in the UK suggested I come there instead. From there, the ball was rolling and I ended up with 14 events booked in 12 days. The doors were clearly opening elsewhere.

Honored to have a table (top right) at the Healing Space, Storm Church, Worthing

My hopes for this trip were to raise some support for my work with Thai Village and to expand our market for our handcrafted products, which had previously been mostly in the US and Thailand. Seemed like a pretty good plan to me but I realized fairly soon that God's plans were much bigger than just that. I felt foolish in the end that whilst I was focusing on the numbers, He was focusing on the people (of course - duhh!). I was amazed at some of the conversations He led me into, and the way that some events turned out to have a different purpose than I had imagined. Oh how small my plans seemed in comparison! In addition I got to be with my Mum again, just 3 months after the loss of Len, her husband, and that turned out to be really well-timed too.

With my Mum at one of the many events she helped me with

Wonderful time at Zara's house

Another thing I learned was that even when it came to sales of our products, God was turning my expectations on their head! My two "big" events with lots of foot traffic actually made little sales and my best event by far in terms of numbers was at the house of my ever-faithful godmother in London with her neighbours and church friends. We reflected afterwards how the event had more than surpassed any of our expectations. After this, I was actually so low on product, I had to order more to be express shipped from Thailand!

With my godmother, Juliet 

Finally, I want to end with a fun story that illustrates this lesson of my limited human understanding so well. As I said, I had a jam-packed schedule for this whole visit, thanks to the many friends and family who helped me set up events and hosted me. Unfortunately one of my larger fairs on my first Saturday in the UK fell through at the last minute. I should have known to trust and not to worry but I was disappointed and frustrated that all the other fairs for that day were now fully booked and it was too late to organize a private event.

On the morning of that Saturday, I woke up with such a drive to find something and I prayed one more time for God to open a door, before quickly scrolling through a local events listing on my phone. The only thing I saw that I hadn't already tried was a church bell-ringing fundraiser being held about 20 minutes from my Mum's house. I wasn't that hopeful that they would want to have a random lady from Thailand at their fundraiser at the last minute but I tried the phone number just in case. No answer. Not sure why, but I wasn't in the mood to accept a closed door that morning, and after breakfast, I decided to just fill my car with all my stuff anyway and drive over to the church and wait to ambush the organizers! 

So when the bell-ringing ladies arrived that morning with their cakes and raffle prizes for their event, there I was accosting them at the gate with my story of plans falling through and hopes for a venue. God was at work and they were very gracious! I was able to give a few items towards their fundraising raffle and they welcomed me with open arms to share their space, giving Thai Village a little table in the corner of the church! That day I got to ring bells for the first time in my life and also met many lovely people from churches all over Worthing. Sales were not huge but the people were huge-hearted and since many churches were represented, I got several invitations to other events locally and I'm excited to see where this will lead for Thai Village! 

Thai Village at Findon parish bellringers fundraiser 

This was one of the lovely ladies that I ambushed outside the church door!

 All in all, it was an incredible trip . .. and my family back in Thailand survived too, despite coming home to a house with no power and water because I had forgotten to pay the bill before I left!! Oops.

Today is Thanksgiving in one of my adopted countries and today I want to thank all of you who helped make this UK visit such a success - especially my Mum for her huge efforts (and for keeping the heating revved up way above her comfort level the whole time I was there), but also Sue, Zara, Juliet, Susie, Jon and Elma, Janet, Ginny, Lynn and many others at New Life and of course the bell-ringing ladies! Above all, I give thanks to our God who works so far beyond our small human mindset to bring about His good purposes in all of our lives. 

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways.' declares the Lord.

As the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Isaiah 55: 8-9 

P.S. If you haven't checked out our gorgeous Thai Village products yet, you can do so on our website www.thaivillage.org. US folks can order through the website but UK orders need to come through me for now! Thankyou!

Watering can prayers

I have a confession. I am not very disciplined in my prayer life. I shoot up lots of "help me" prayers and I try to thank God often but when I sit down to pray more in depth about something, I get distracted easily and drift off. I think that's why I'm constantly looking for friends to pray with.

One thing I have noticed here in this predominantly Buddhist country, is that the temples provide many physical and symbolic ways for people to offer their prayers and invocations. We have these in the Christian tradition too but not so many.

There are the offerings of the symbolic lotus flower to represent the desire for a pure spirit.

. . . . the rubbing of a gong to aid meditation

. . . . the incense to burn, the stupas to walk around while you make your chant, the prayer wheels to spin, the candles to light and the bells to ring.

I've been quite fascinated by these physical aids to worship in my visits to Buddhist temples here in Chiangmai. You can certainly see how they increase habits of worship and aid focus by engaging all the senses. 

I have found my own physical way to pray recently too and it has surprised me how much it has enhanced my prayer life. One of my daily chores here is watering our plants at our back door. 

It didn't start as a prayer, it was just something I needed to do, but I found myself praying for God's Spirit to water my kids' hearts as I tended to my plants. Turns out "watering can prayers" have a whole load of applications. How badly I need His Spirit to water my own soul in all the dry and stubborn areas of my heart. I have prayed for His watering of our marriage, for His Spirit to pour out on the people of Thailand and for the seeds sown at Thai Village to be saturated with His Spirit and flourish.  It has been good to have a symbolic and physical accompaniment to my prayers and somehow, it has engaged me all the more in believing and persisting in prayer as a daily habit.

My plants are growing well and I enjoy them every day. Now they are a constant reminder too of the source of all our life and flourishing. My prayer life needed a boost and I found it in my own back yard! Prayer can be so much more than words sometimes.

Learning to sing

When we were in Ho Chi Minh City, we visited Tao Dan Park a couple of times early in the morning. Amongst all the Vietnamese out doing Tai Chi and other forms of exercise, this park is famous for one cafe on the corner where "birdmen" bring their prized caged birds to learn to sing from other birds.

The birds are strategically placed on the railings to be close to other particularly vocal birds and far away from humans who interfere with their capacity to sing apparently. We discovered this after we got a little close to some of them and were briskly waved away by the owners. The birdmen can be quite protective of their songbird and seem to pay a lot of attention  - providing morsels of food, moving them occasionally to a different spot, making sure no annoying foreigner gets too close and staring at their bird incessantly.

We discovered later the reason for the vigilance - some of these birds are apparently worth a lot of money. Birdsong competitions are held throughout Ho Chi Minh and owners of the most talented songbirds can rake in significant cash. This also explains the pride and self-gratification on the faces of the mostly older men as they showed off their prized possession to the rookies.

All in all, it was quite a unique and surreal experience to observe.  The sound was beautiful as you can imagine but  the dedication and care of the owners was the most fascinating.

It has made me reflect on the many times I too have been been brought to a place of learning and growth in specific skills or traits that I lacked. In His great wisdom my own dedicated Birdman has led me to those who could model for me what I could not learn by myself. 

I think of a dear friend who taught me to stop and rest when I was 17 and overstressed; I think of my sister who's joy for life always reminds me to take life lightly and to find the wonder in the ordinary; I think of the faith that was built during my first missions experience after college due mostly to the bold faith of those around me; and I think of many dear friends including my husband who's qualities I admire and learn from every day. I'm so thankful for each of those songbirds that have brought beauty to my life and for the One who has hung my cage beside theirs for a season so I could absorb and soak up their song.

As the morning wound down in Tao Dan Park, most of the  men decided their bird had had enough learning for today and gently covered the cages with a dark cloth, removing them from the courtyard. 

It was time to take them home to rest . . . . maybe the bird needed some peace and quiet to absorb what he had just heard or maybe the owner just had to get to work for the day . . . . . but the beautiful chorus died down and the railings were emptied until another morning. I think I'm a bird who would prefer to hang with other birds all day, but I need that space too, to reflect on what I'm learning and to incorporate those new songs into my own life. 

Where are you today? What are the birdsongs that you are learning? And do you see the Birdman gently leading you with just as much as you can handle for the day? Join me as I look for the songbirds around me today and thank God for them.

Jai yen yen

One of the common phrases you hear here in Thailand is "jai yen yen" - literally "cool heart". The ability to keep your cool is highly valued in Thai culture and Thais very rarely let their anger or impatience show.

The phrase "Jai yen yen" is frequently used to mean "take it easy" or "chill out" but it also encompasses a whole philosophy of life for Thai people - consideration and respect for others manifested in an avoidance of confrontation or expression of negative emotions. Basically, if there is a storm brewing in you, you keep it to yourself and don't let the clouds burst.

Rainy season clouds, Chiang Mai

I am not naturally "jai yen" at the best of times . . . . . and recently even less so - maybe because I am hitting that wonderful midlife hormonal imbalance, or maybe because we are moving this week (more about this in another post) or maybe because my kids are now out of school and adjusting to being together all day!

Anyway, I admire the Thai ability to stay cool and composed in stressful situations, to smile even when they're annoyed and to control the storm brewing within. Whilst I don't necessarily think that holding in one's emotions is healthy, I know that self-control is a good thing, a gift of His spirit and something I want more of in my life. 

Plant pot "jai yen", Wat Phakao, Chiang Mai

It has got me reflecting on my experience of different cultures around the world, and how there is such diversity in the varied strengths of people groups and cultures. 

When I lived in America, I remember being amazed at the generosity of the American people - to varying degrees of course but I think that generosity is a value esteemed in American culture and one which I have admired and learned from. In Mexico, it was their joy that stood out, their capacity to celebrate no matter what the circumstances and always with flare and color! And then I think of my own culture and the loyalty and faithfulness of Brits, who might be slow to warm to you, but once they're with you, they're with you for life!

Self-control, joy, generosity and faithfulness - all of these are manifestations of God's Spirit in a person, and in His wisdom, He has spread these gifts widely amongst the cultures and the peoples of the world. I don't believe any one culture has a monopoly on the character of Jesus or even that the fullness of His grace can be experienced inside any one culture alone. We have so much to learn from one another and a whole lot of His beauty to be discovered in those who are different to us. 

I'm grateful to have lived in each of these places and to know friends from these cultures (and more) who teach me what it means to live according to the Spirit. And this week, I'm thankful for Thailand and their "jai yen yen" lifestyle which I get to observe and learn from on a daily basis. I know I have a long way to go in mastering self-control. . . .  so I think I might need to stay for a few years yet!

Upside-down Values

Our family has faced a few challenging situations recently - personally, professionally and socially. They were minor issues in the big picture of things but they caused a fair amount of turmoil and soul-searching. I won't go into details here but it has left me reflecting on the values by which we judge ourselves, and if we're honest, by which we judge others too.

Back in India, during a season of similar struggles, I wrote the following poem/prayer for our home church fellowship there. I have come back to it often as I have wrestled to see myself and my family according to God's values and not those of the world around me. 

I share it here because I know I'm not the only one wrestling. I share it because there are too many voices saying the opposite. And I share it because sometimes it is important to name the lie in order to more fully grasp the truth.

The Upside-down Kingdom

The world says, "Blessed are the strong and powerful, for they can get what they want."
Jesus says, "Blessed are the weak for my power is made perfect in weakness."  (2 Cor 12:9-10)

The world says, "Blessed are you when life is easy and you have everything you need, for that is where happiness is to be found."
Jesus says, "Blessed are you when you suffer, for suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." (Rom 5:3-4, 2 Cor 4:16-18)

Sumitra, weaver, JOYN India

The world says, "Blessed are you, when people speak highly of you, for everyone will know of your good reputation." 
Jesus says, "Blessed are you when you are insulted, misunderstood and persecuted, for great will be your reward in heaven."  (Matt 5:11-12)

The world says, "Blessed are the knowledgeable and educated for they will go far in this life."
Jesus says, "Blessed are those who qualify in kingdom wisdom, for God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise." (I Cor 1:27-29; 1 Cor 2:6-16)

Kids' club, Casa Victoria, Ecuador

The world says, "Blessed are those who live a good life, for God will use them."
Jesus says, "Blessed are those who have messed up and know his grace, for he who has been forgiven much, loves much."  (1 Tim 1:15-16; Luke 7:44-48)

The world says, "Blessed are the healthy and strong, for they can win races and achieve success."
Jesus says, "Blessed are the feeble and weak-kneed, for God has chosen them to show his all-surpassing power and glory."  (2 Cor 4:1-12)

Mr. Sudkaet, wood carver, Thai Village

We live in a world that craves power and riches.
Father forgive us when we conform more to the ways of this world and help us to choose your path of humility and service. (Phil 2:1-11, Matt 20:28)

We live in a world that sees only the visible and judges on the outside.
Father forgive us when we see only with our physical eyes
and help us to see the invisible work of your kingdom around us.  (2 Cor 4:18)

We live in a world that is temporary and will wither and die.
Father forgive us when we are so ingrained in this world that we live as if this is all there is and help us to invest in your Kingdom that will last forever.  (Matt 6:19-21)

Amen

(Thanks to Casa Victoria, Ecuador, JOYN LLC, India, and Thai Village Inc., Thailand for the pictures in this post and for many inspiring examples of these truths.)