The in-between-ness of Advent

This year, the hope of Advent is holding particular meaning for me because I am waiting for something, aching for something for one of our children. It has been intense and really hard at times. But thanks to the wonderful Jesus community here, I have had lots of people point me towards hope and encourage me in the waiting. I wrote this poem recently and thought I would share it with you all.

There is a dawning between the darkness and the light

and that is where I am

Sometimes falling back into the dark

Sometimes leaning towards the light

But in the dawnlight nevertheless

It is dim but it is coming

I see it and I know

I will not be consumed by the darkness.

Photo credit Ned McNair, Hilton Head, North Carolina

There is a sprouting between the dry ground and the verdant pasture

and that is where I am

Small shoots, vulnerable and fragile

but a sprouting nevertheless

Tender unfurling of new growth

Becoming, emerging

 I feel it and I know

We are not yet what we will be.

Tropical ferns unfurling, Chiangmai, Thailand

There is an in-pouring between the emptiness and the fullness

and that is where I am

A slow drip, sometimes hardly noticeable

But a pouring in nevertheless

A puddle is made from tiny drops

An ocean is made from tiny puddles

I hear the raindrops and I know. 

Streams will flow in this desert. 

Rainy season droplets, Chiangmai, Thailand

There is a restoring between the brokenness and the wholeness

and that is where I am

Not overnight, not on my timeline perhaps

but a restoring nevertheless

I cling to the dream of shalom, 
peace, wholeness, harmony

And then I glimpse it when I least expect it

It surprises me but I should know by now

My brokenness is where he works best.

It's messy here in the in-between

Things are not yet as they will be

We wait, we hope, we groan with creation

How long, O Lord?

But we are not consumed

Beauty is coming from these ashes

Dawn is coming

He is coming

He is making all things new.

I pray this will be an encouragement to any of you who are also hoping for something this advent.

"But hope that is seen is no hope at all.

Who hopes for what they already have?

But if we hope for what we do not have, we wait for it patiently."

Romans 8:24-25

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Romans 15:13

Watering can prayers

I have a confession. I am not very disciplined in my prayer life. I shoot up lots of "help me" prayers and I try to thank God often but when I sit down to pray more in depth about something, I get distracted easily and drift off. I think that's why I'm constantly looking for friends to pray with.

One thing I have noticed here in this predominantly Buddhist country, is that the temples provide many physical and symbolic ways for people to offer their prayers and invocations. We have these in the Christian tradition too but not so many.

There are the offerings of the symbolic lotus flower to represent the desire for a pure spirit.

. . . . the rubbing of a gong to aid meditation

. . . . the incense to burn, the stupas to walk around while you make your chant, the prayer wheels to spin, the candles to light and the bells to ring.

I've been quite fascinated by these physical aids to worship in my visits to Buddhist temples here in Chiangmai. You can certainly see how they increase habits of worship and aid focus by engaging all the senses. 

I have found my own physical way to pray recently too and it has surprised me how much it has enhanced my prayer life. One of my daily chores here is watering our plants at our back door. 

It didn't start as a prayer, it was just something I needed to do, but I found myself praying for God's Spirit to water my kids' hearts as I tended to my plants. Turns out "watering can prayers" have a whole load of applications. How badly I need His Spirit to water my own soul in all the dry and stubborn areas of my heart. I have prayed for His watering of our marriage, for His Spirit to pour out on the people of Thailand and for the seeds sown at Thai Village to be saturated with His Spirit and flourish.  It has been good to have a symbolic and physical accompaniment to my prayers and somehow, it has engaged me all the more in believing and persisting in prayer as a daily habit.

My plants are growing well and I enjoy them every day. Now they are a constant reminder too of the source of all our life and flourishing. My prayer life needed a boost and I found it in my own back yard! Prayer can be so much more than words sometimes.

Family life unmasked

So we have had a LOT of visitors recently! It's been wonderful. If you live overseas, you will know how much of a gift it is when people take the time to come and get to know your world. 

Relationships are deepened. The unknowns here suddenly become known to family and friends and we feel more whole, more connected, more understood. Points of reference are laid for future skype conversations, memories are made and packages of goodies are shared from our other "home".  

We will never take for granted a friend or family member who is willing to make the financial and time investment to come and see us. . . . and we say thank you to those who have come and to those that are to come!

Grandma and Grandad came in February. It was the first time they'd made it to Thailand and it was huge to share our world with them. 

Travelling is no mean feat when you're 87 and we were all so impressed with how Grandad navigated outings with his handy walker.

2 days after waving off the grandparents, our good friend Auntie Susie arrived. Susie wins the prize for my most faithful visitor having visited me in Mexico, US, India, Sri Lanka and now Thailand. She has shared a lot of worlds with us and we love that. 

And then we had the joy of my sister - basically nothing beats sisters in my book. The time went by all too fast.  

Each of these visits were a huge blessing to us and we hope to them. . . .but not without some tension. The thing about having people stay with you for long periods, is you are exposed - family life in all it's glory! This was term-time and life was full and busy. Kids were overtired and overwhelmed, adults were over-reactive and over-stressed and there were times when everything was bubbling over! 

Who wants to go on a bike ride?

We were grateful when guests mucked in to cheer up a grumpy kid, or when space was given to calm and settle after a busy day or when kids were invited out to give me some space to make dinner!

It's in these times that we all want to be shown grace and to know we're not being judged.  In the middle of all these ups and downs, I reflected that if we wanted to preserve a glowing image of our kids and our parenting, then we should probably limit our visitors to a few weeks in the summer when everyone is relaxed and perhaps some time over Christmas break (or maybe not even that!).  But the truth is actually, deep down, we want to be known in our mess - because only then can we be loved for who we are, mummy meltdowns and all.

So we embrace the visitors! We already miss the ones that have gone and we're excited for the ones who are coming this spring and summer (you know who you are!). Just know, there will be no hiding behind masks. If you see our rough edges, we ask for grace and if yours are exposed, we promise to show you grace too. Thank you in advance for loving us just as we are.